im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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