I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
