I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
