I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
