Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
