you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
