That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
