Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
