Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
