the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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