I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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