this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
