I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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