Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
