Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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