Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
