He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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