he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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