So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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