i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
