OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
