he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
