8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish there were birth control emojis
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
