Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize