you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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