I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
