Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize