Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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