Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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