I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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