I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
