____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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