you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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