haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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