omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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