this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
