I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
