Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
