I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
