Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
