Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
