Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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