This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize