I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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