yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it because I queefed?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
