Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
