Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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