youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
