just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
