How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
