Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
