Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
