lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
pop tarts are not kleenex
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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