i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
