Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
