i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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