Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
