So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
