some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
