So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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