he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
