Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
