Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
