Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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