allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
