No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
