saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
