the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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