you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
