weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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