Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
