It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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