Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
